In these days, when we mourn the destruction of the house and the long exile, the reason our sages mentioned for all our troubles comes up again and again - gratuitous hatred.
Unfortunately, you don't have to go back two thousand years to see this sad phenomenon. It washes over us from every corner.
The difficulty in dealing with gratuitous hatred stems from denial. No one will admit that the negative feelings they feel toward others are gratuitous, without reason. They will always have plenty of reasons in their mouths. They hate others for their actions, their words, their opinions. Gratuitous hatred? - Why not!
But the truth is that at the root of things lies the same gratuitous hatred. All the reasons and justifications are usually an external cover. Deep down, there is an inability to tolerate the very existence of the other, and then this is covered up with all sorts of explanations and justifications.
The reason for loving yourself
The Lubavitcher Rebbe said many times that the remedy for the gratuitous hatred that caused destruction is the opposite - gratuitous love. To love another without a reason. To love him even when there are a thousand reasons to the contrary. This is gratuitous love - a love that does not need a reason and that does not depend on any reason.
The clearest example of gratuitous love is the love that each and every one of us has for himself. A person does not need reasons to love himself. His love for himself does not depend on skills and qualities, actions and behaviors, opinions and views. A person loves himself gratuitously, without a reason. No reason is needed.
Even if a person descends to the lowest point, and even if he does the most serious things - and even when he is aware of the seriousness of his actions and the low into which he has sunk - he does not stop loving himself. Because this is a root and fundamental love that is not conditioned by anything.
Out of this self-love, he will try to justify himself, find merits, and cling to extenuating circumstances. Even if it is clear to him that he has committed a very serious act, he will still expect to be forgiven, to be given another chance, to believe in his ability to rise up and make amends.
That's what it's like when you love.
Breathe clean air
With that same free love, we must love others. Even when they don't deserve it. Even when there are many reasons to be angry with them. True, they say outrageous things. They do irritating things. They hold opinions that make you explode. And yet, they are still a beloved brother.
Let's all do a simple exercise: If a person dear to you - your son, your brother, a close friend - were to say or do these things, would you respond in the same way? With the same harshness? With the same expressions? There is no doubt that you would think seven times whether you should respond at all. And even if you came to the conclusion that there was no choice, you would choose every word and phrase it with sensitivity and consideration.
Imagine how much cleaner air we would breathe if each and every one of us acted this way. How many splashes of mud and expressions of anger we would spare ourselves and everyone around us. And most importantly – if we adopt this approach, we will deserve to have the cause of the destruction corrected, and thus these days will be transformed into joy and happiness and good times.
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