I wrote this column on Monday, the eve of Tisha B'Av.
"Outside the sword will rage, and inside the gates terror will break out," wrote the prophet. And I have a feeling that this was not written thousands of years ago, but here and today, when ceasefires are mixed with rocket launches, and humanitarian truces come along with the kidnapping of the bodies of our soldiers by inhuman murderers.".
But along with the general and personal sense of devastation, I feel a sweet little sense of personal victory.
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I've been 'clean' for a week now.
The decision didn't come in one day. It was a tough fight. On the one hand, I got used to it and it became a part of me. On the other hand, I saw and recognized the symptoms of addiction.
But the feeling of repression worked overtime. A whole bunch of different excuses and pretexts came together to prove, over and over again, how much I must continue. Because there is no choice.
''Everyone is like that,' the little voice told me.
'So what? And if everyone jumps off the roof, will you jump too?' I replied, smiling.
'"But there's a lot of grace in it too," the little voice repeated, nagging.
'"And lots and lots of gossip, bad reputation, and a waste of time," I tried with my last strength to defend myself.
'"Well, don't you commit offenses from time to time? It's better if you at least earn a mitzvah or two along the way." The little voice didn't give up.
''That's true,' I had to admit. 'But I will do the commandments even without being connected.'.
I felt that, once again, the fight was pretty much lost.
But then I decided - and I did it. Immediately. So that I wouldn't regret it.
I disconnected from the Nayyees group on WhatsApp.
Nothing terrible happened.
That day, the doubts had already begun.
A good friend sent me a personal message asking if I had heard about the bad news from Gaza.
""No," I answered immediately, and I already regretted having disconnected from the group.
""Ah," he wrote to me pitifully. "There are a lot of dead in a serious security incident.".
""Good God in heaven," I replied.
And I've already started drafting a connection request message to the group administrator.
But I deleted it.
A few hours later, an IDF spokesman issued a statement stating that 4 people were killed and 13 were injured.
I was probably the only one in the country who didn't walk around for hours with "based information" about 17 deaths...
In these difficult days, when news follows news, and outside there is a sword and terror in the rooms, I walk around without a connection to WhatsApp, and discover that nothing terrible has happened.
My fingers stopped hurting. The battery lasts almost a full day, and I have much more time for my family and clients.
I don't even pick up my phone every three minutes to see if I have a message.
And, the commandments and graces can be observed today in a wide variety of groups that do not sin by slander and gossip, do not obsessively engage in the disease of "copy-paste," and do not boast about bringing a fragment of erroneous and destructive information "firsts.".
If you are a WhatsApp patient and want to perform a mitzvah, join the Ezer Mitzion 'Connected to Life' groups (any person with a vehicle who is willing to perform a mitzvah on the road), or the United Hatzalah professional reporting group (only for authorized volunteers).
And what will telemarketing look like after the redemption?
Here is a call script for telemarketing employees after the complete redemption: (I have no idea who to give credit to. I got it from a good friend who must have copied from a copy that was copied from another copyist):
""Easy-Sacrifice" Hello, this is Rinat, how can I help?
Oh, hello! I've been waiting for you on the line for 25 minutes...
I apologize, sir, before Passover it is a very busy period. How can I help?
I bought a thank offering from you and you sent me a defective model. This goat absolutely stinks. In my opinion, it is considered a disqualifying defect. I would like to exchange it, please.
No problem, we are always at your disposal.
Not always. Thank you.
for nothing.
forgiveness?
It doesn't matter. Which thank you package did you purchase?
I bought a "Thank You Combo All-Inclusive" package. Matzo rolls, semolina, oil, wine, everything. Includes disability insurance.
Excellent. Can you give me the last four digits of the credit card?
Eight two five five.
And the expiration date of the card?
Adar 5779.
Thank you. Just a second, sir...
Okay, I see here that the package you purchased is real and you deserve a replacement. You also have points you've accumulated from previous victims. Would you like to upgrade to a bull? We don't ship bulls, but he'll be waiting for you at the pickup station in Jerusalem.
Is a cow better halachically?
No. But it's cooler.
No, no. Goat is enough.
No problem. I'll send you a replacement victim to arrive tomorrow. The courier will arrive between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m., so someone will be home.
Um.. that's.. well, okay.
I see here that you are entitled to a purification technician as part of the package, are you interested in making an appointment?
I will purify myself independently.
Sir, is he aware that he must come with a certificate of purity in order to offer a sacrifice?
No... need permission?
You need a licensed technician to sprinkle red cow water on you and ensure proper immersion before you. Our water has passed Sanhedrin approval and the technicians are very experienced. I can make an appointment for you at the temple in two weeks.
Is there one closer perhaps?
Not for a regular purification. If you upgrade to the "fast purification" route, we can advance to the next second. That's another 59.90.
Okay. Rate me. Thanks.
Can I perhaps recommend an expansion to the Thanksgiving offering package you purchased?
It's "all inclusive", what more can you add?
You can buy two more packages for future use - make a triple - and only pay for two. For example, I can arrange a wonderful Passover package for you, including accommodation in Jerusalem.
I thought we ran out of hotel rooms in Jerusalem this year.
No man ever said he was short of space, sir...
Well, that's irrelevant, I already have a bunch for this upcoming Passover.
Would you perhaps like to purchase - without obligation to implement, of course - our "Mighty Monk" package?
Monk what?
If you decide to become a monk, you will receive all the end-of-monastic offerings, including a razor for shaving and a free bottle of wine to drink afterwards.
I don't see myself becoming a monk anytime soon.
Did you make a mistake? Good for a year. You didn't make a mistake, you didn't pay.
No, thank you.
Sir, with the country by any chance?
forgiveness?
We have a sale on conversion courses from Am Haaretz for members. Members receive tax benefits, which is also highly recommended for priests. They receive a fancy membership card.
I already have a membership card, thank you.
Would you like to receive a reminder by text message not to leave the victim?
not.
A fancy suitcase for first-time buyers?
I am an accountant.
Leprosy insurance?
I'm hanging up now.
Good. Thank you for calling "Easy-Sacrifice". Your holiness is important to us. God is with you.
May God bless you.
