When the Sages determined that "there were no days as good for Israel as the fifteenth of Av," they saw before their eyes a day of building homes in Israel and establishing families that continue the lineage of the Jewish people.
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Nowadays, many things have gone wrong, including the concept of 'love.' Some understand it in the same sense that 'a fisherman loves fish.' It is clear that he does not love the fish themselves, but loves to thread them onto the hook of his fishing rod. In fact, he loves himself and his pleasures, and does not really give much thought to the fish itself.
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This kind of relationship can also exist between humans. The person is focused on himself and the benefit he derives from the other. This is 'love that depends on something', which when 'things are eliminated - love is eliminated.'.
Willingness to sacrifice
When the bride and groom are greeted under the canopy with "love and brotherhood, peace and blessings," they mean true love, a love of caring, of commitment, of a deep and unconditional connection. It is a love that is accompanied by a willingness to sacrifice, listen, embrace, provide support, and avoid anything that could cause sorrow or pain.
Such love builds a stable family unit, where children can grow up in security, without fear that their home will fall apart because of all sorts of temptations that beckon to someone.
The children see before their eyes a healthy and deep marital bond, which they will strive to imitate and adopt in the future, in their personal lives, and they too will build strong, warm and loving homes. This is the Jewish family tradition that we celebrate on Tu B'Av.
Talk to marriage counselors and mediators and see what is breaking up families today. Indeed, the option of divorce exists in the Torah, but it is intended for truly extreme cases, when there is no escape from breaking up the package.
Unfortunately, we witness divorce for reasons that certainly do not stand up to the grief and pain caused to the children.
Some will ask here whether it is right to live a life of suffering 'for the sake of the children'. Well, on a principled level – yes. The whole essence of parenthood is sacrifice. Getting up several times at night to calm a crying baby – isn't that suffering? Running with the children to doctors, therapists and classes – isn't that giving up freedom and personal hobbies for their sake? Shelving the dream of a three-month trip to the Himalayas – that is also a price paid for the sake of the children.
When there is true love, a person is willing to give up, to suffer, to postpone gratification. Even if it is difficult for him, he faces the difficulties, seeing before his eyes the great value of preserving the family unit and the commitment to children.
The right priorities
The unbearable ease of breaking up families stems from a mindset that puts 'what's best for you' above all else. So if 'it's not so good for me' or if I imagine that 'what's best for me' is waiting around the corner, that's a reason to destroy the home and forever injure the souls of the children I brought into the world.
After all, they are just supporting players in a game where the main character is me and 'whatever is good for me.'.
Judaism sees priorities and the concept of love differently. The value of family and the well-being of children are the main thing, and for them I am required to invest, strive, sacrifice, and ultimately derive an abundance of satisfaction from my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.
