1.
The wedding season opened this week with a little noise. After a short break during the days of mourning during the counting of the Omer, we are back receiving documentation of small and exciting corona weddings on WhatsApp.
First of all, congratulations to all the new couples. I share in your joy. Interesting: This expression, "participates," appears mainly in the context of sorrow, "participates in your sorrow." But it seems to me that in the special circumstances of these days, many people do indeed share from the bottom of their hearts in the joy of others. Well, maybe it's easier for them because this joy is mixed with a little sadness, due to the limited format in which it takes place. As we know, it's easier to pity the other, to share in their sorrow, than to participate and truly rejoice in their joy.
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And of course, there is another reason why it is easier for us to participate in the celebrations that are held these days. We truly participate in the celebrations because we don't have to truly participate in the celebrations. After all, due to the Ministry of Health restrictions, we only invite those who absolutely must be there. The rest of the overly broad circles, who were always invited, stay home.
They don't have to get dressed, get organized, find a babysitter, travel far, give a check, and endure the terrible volume of the orchestra, and all because of what? Because the owner of the party, who really doesn't want or need them at his party, was forced to send an invitation, lest they be offended that they weren't invited. And of course, with great effort, they show up at the event.
Why? Well, of course. So that the happy owner doesn't get offended. Some kind of idiotic balance of horror, excuse me, where everyone suffers in vain.
2.
Thank God, the State of Israel is gradually emerging from the era of the Corona virus. Every few days, more and more restrictions are being lifted (of course, it is imperative to carefully observe the remaining restrictions). By and large, life is starting to return to its normal course. And the question everyone is asking themselves is what will we take with us from this formative period. In essence, the question is whether this period will indeed be formative, or will it pass without leaving a real mark?
Yes, that's also an option. True, each of us learned a few new things during this period about ourselves, our family, our work, our inner world. I don't think there's anyone who enters Corona and comes out of it exactly the same person (and not just in terms of weight). But on the other hand, human nature is to move on, to return to routine.
There is, of course, a positive side to this. I hope that in the United States the force of life will prevail and routine will return. It will not be easy to overcome, with all the great sadness there these days, so many disasters. But I fear that in Israel, which is emerging from the Corona relatively peacefully, the return to normal life may be too fast. We would like to forget this difficult period and move on.
And that's a shame. Because there are so many good things that we can take with us for the rest of our lives, in so many areas. For example, this area that I started in, the joys.
3.
Wait, let's be clear. I really don't expect that from now on, every wedding will be attended by just a certain number of people. Not even 19. Not even 50. Not even 100. Not even 200. Really? I don't want to get into numbers at all. Every family with its own size and its own relatives. I do want to get into circles. What we saw with Corona is that it is possible to have a wedding with a much smaller circle of participants, and it doesn't harm the atmosphere of joy. In fact, it only does it good, refines it.
Why? First of all, because the parents are happy. They are not bothered by the thought of how much more they will have to toil for this production, of one very precious evening in their lives. But beyond the important financial consideration, people who don't really belong to the joy are actually only disturbing it, or more accurately: scattering it.
After all, joy is limited in time. There are occasional hours when you, the possessor of joy, are in it and experiencing it. Isn't it a shame to waste such precious time, on a once-in-a-lifetime evening, receiving polite congratulations from people who aren't really related? After all, every extra guest takes your attention away from a non-extra guest.
It's a simple mathematical calculation: three hours divided by a thousand good luck equals a mess.
4.
Really? I'm one of the last people who can preach to the public about overly large celebrations. Personally, for years I couldn't throw a celebration without inviting everyone who ever passed by me. I don't know, it seems so snobbish to me.
But two years ago, after a series of huge events, I had a bit of a change of heart. At our eldest son's bar mitzvah, not least because of pressure from the bar mitzvah's groom himself, I started cutting back on the invitations. It was hard, it was challenging, and it was right.
Suddenly, when you're really just among your family, a handful of very close friends, and a few people you work with on a daily basis, the feeling is completely different. What did a friend say to me when he saw that I was starting to get cocky with my circle of invitees? "Let me give you a tip: There's a groom for this bar mitzvah. Why don't you just invite people who know him?""
Wow. What a simple idea, how come they didn't think of that before?
5.
I think this key could work just as well for people who are getting their children married. Who do you invite? Anyone who knows the groom or the bride.
This is a parameter that precisely defines who should actually be at the wedding: relatives, of course. Friends of the bride and groom, of course. Close neighbors from the building or from the synagogue pew, of course. Close friends of the in-laws - close enough that they know the bride or groom - are also in. And well, even some friends from work who may not know the young couple, but we are in daily contact with them.
It's a bit inhumane to experience such a significant event and not share it with the people we come into contact with every day. And that's it. Everything else, and there's so much else, shouldn't be there. What does that do to joy?
True, there may be a handful of people who will be offended that you didn't invite them. But first of all, if now, after Corona, the flattening of the rising curve of the number of guests becomes the norm, people's expectations will be lowered. They won't be offended. And besides, for every one offended, there will be dozens of people who will thank you for saving them an unnecessary evening, from their point of view, in which they try to remember whether they are on the groom's side, the bride's side, or the unpleasant one's side.
Sometimes I think about how if the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza were to take place today, Bar Kamtza would probably inform on the host of the feast to the Romans as revenge for inviting him to come.
I wish that after Corona we would see more joys that take place in the natural space of life. In the city, in the village, in the neighborhood, on the street, in the square in front of the synagogue. There is something so moving about these videos, from all over the Jewish world, of a bride and groom going out to the wedding and the entire street where they grew up saying Mazal Tov to them from the balcony.
The joys are part of life itself. And they happen in the cities of Judea and in the streets of Jerusalem, not in a glittering hall in an ugly industrial area, not in an event park where you have to stand in traffic jams on the way to it. Although it seems to me that producing such a wedding - bringing catering, equipment, etc. to the street - comes out more expensive than a wedding in a well-organized hall, so fine, we'll settle for a wedding in a hall at this point, but with the exact composition.
6.
And finally, something for you, the dear brides and grooms of these difficult days. My heart goes out to you. This is not how you imagined the exciting event of your life. I wish you that the rare joy that exists in these corona weddings, with a thread of kindness pulled over them, will compensate you for the mental anguish.
If it comforts you, then your wedding will be remembered for years to come. Not because of the dessert bar or the flower arrangements, but because it was something special, with special dedication, to establish a new home in Israel. After all, you could have actually postponed the wedding until the anger passed.
And besides, with all due respect, what is much more important than the exciting evening of your life - is your life itself. And it is not directly affected by the success of the production of your wedding. Certainly not by the number of participants in it. So we congratulate you that the One who made His creatures happy at their wedding in the Garden of Eden of the East (it was the first wedding in history and the smallest in history!) will also make you happy, beloved ones.
• The column is published in the newspaper 'Bisheva''
