1.
I recently met a veteran, secular lawyer, and we had a very fascinating conversation about the ultra-Orthodox community.
He tells me about an old client of his, an ultra-Orthodox businessman, who has been managing his affairs through him for many years.
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He recently got into some kind of financial dispute with another Haredi man, and naturally he enlisted the lawyer to stand by his side.
""He was very angry and resentful," says the secular lawyer, "and for several months I heard him criticize the public to which he belonged, things that surprised me greatly, because all these years I had seen him as an ultra-Orthodox man in every way, and suddenly he said very harsh things about the public he came from and especially about the establishment.
""After a few months of him telling me these things, one day I said something to him in agreement with what he said, something like 'Well, everything is done violently with you.'.
""Then," the lawyer says, "I see him looking at me in astonishment and anger and saying to me, 'With us, everything is done with violence? And what about yours?? Look at what your High Court of Justice is doing! Look at how it is taking over the country here with violence. Look at how it humiliates us and grossly violates our rights. Are you still talking about our violence? Shame on you.'.
""I tried to argue with him," says the lawyer, "to try to explain my position to him, but he suddenly became hostile, began to attack me, and at one point told me, 'I even need to think about whether you can represent me,' and left the office.
""It happened a week ago," the lawyer tells me, "and since then I've just been in shock at what happened. Overall, I agreed with him. I supported the claims he made to me for a long time and suddenly he's 'turning on me' 180 degrees. Maybe you can explain to me what happened here?""
2.
""I can explain it to you without any problem," I told him. "Tell me, have you ever tried to talk your wife out of her parents?""
He thought for a moment and said: "Immediately after marriage I tried and since then I haven't tried anymore... I discovered that if I want a gloomy and angry home and endless quarrels, this is the way... I simply don't criticize my father-in-law or mother-in-law in any way. At least not to my wife's ears...""
""Now tell me, have you heard your wife make critical remarks about her parents?""
""Sure," he tells me, she and her mother fight every two weeks, "she has complaints about her from here to the nursing home...""
""If so," I said, "you can completely understand your client. As long as he is the one who criticizes his natural environment, his 'family' out of resentment, he feels okay with it, because he comes from a place of true connection, and it is precisely from this place that he allows himself to criticize and even disappoint, but when you do that, he sees it as an attack on his parents, his family, his society, and even his very existence. He says to himself, 'A person who sees the society I live in like that, I cannot trust him.'".
3.
This story made me think very deeply about the whole issue of belonging to the ultra-Orthodox community, especially in preparation for the upcoming elections.
As you know, before every election I work voluntarily and on my own initiative to strengthen the Haredi representation in the Knesset in general, and that of United Torah Judaism in particular. I do this in all sorts of ways, and not in order to receive a reward, but out of a deep and inner sense of mission and urgency.
I'm less interested in the right and the left. I'm interested in having as large and strong a representation as possible, even if it's in the opposition.
I also don't insist on convincing people to vote specifically for 'United Torah Judaism'. As far as I'm concerned, Shas represents the Haredi public equally. I'm not a party's vested interest. I also don't owe anyone anything because I'm careful not to take payment for this activity. My only interest is Haredi Judaism.
Why am I doing this? Because I believe with all my heart that the results have many significant implications for the continued prosperity of the Haredi community, for the existence of the Torah world, and no less so for the personal conduct of anyone who considers themselves an "Urgeid person.".
And it starts with the feeling of comfort walking down the street to the spiritual, social, economic, and even personal security implications of walking down the street and meeting people who for some reason hate us and despise us for a variety of reasons, chief among them the terrible incitement being waged against us.
In fact, I cannot understand someone who belongs to the Haredi community, even if only slightly, who does not understand for himself that his personal interest is to vote for a Haredi party that will make him, his family, his children, his parents, his brothers and sisters, stronger economically and socially.
4.
The core of the Haredi public does not need to be convinced, for several reasons, the first of which is the automatic obedience to the great men of Israel regardless of anything.
I operate mainly in broader circles, and as the Haredi public grows in the Ahar, these circles grow larger and larger. I'm talking about Haredim who are not Avrechim and even Haredim who are called modern. It is very significant to connect them to the central core, otherwise the elections will be the least of our problems.
The conversation with the lawyer gave me a very powerful measuring tool for each individual to examine their affiliation with the ultra-Orthodox community.
Because if we measure ourselves by those who criticize the Haredi public, we might be alarmed. It would seem to us that more than half of the public has criticism, and sometimes severe criticism, so where did we go wrong?.
But the truth is, Jews have a critique of everything and anything, certainly ultra-Orthodox Jews who have studied a page of Gemara or a thousand pages in their lives. They are not stupid. They are not thoughtless and they are not blind. Quite the opposite. They are sharp, intelligent and absorb everything in seconds.
Part of being smart and intelligent is to criticize. You don't have to be afraid of it.
5.
The real test, and I suggest everyone use this measuring tool: When you hear criticism from outside. From secularists, from the media, from politicians like Lapid and others. What does it do to you?
I already announce that anyone who hears harsh hateful words from Lapid and his ilk or religion-hating journalists and continues to be calm (or, God forbid, happy and identifies with them) does not belong to the Haredi public, and therefore this column is not directed at them.
In every neighborhood/community/group there will be someone who agrees with these words of incitement and hatred. These are individuals who truly despise the community/group they belong to to the point that it is not clear to anyone what they are looking for in it despite everything.
It's about one percent of the public. No more. We should try to bring them closer, but not be frightened by their existence. This is human nature.
However, there are larger percentages of people who have great criticism and even anger and resentment. Some will express their anger in the harshest words, but when someone from the outside says even the same things about them, they will feel hurt to the depths of their souls and will do everything to argue and contradict the insulting words and prove that the person who said the words is acting out of anti-Semitism and hatred.
Does that sound strange? The story that opened the article explains everything.
Anyone who belongs to the ultra-Orthodox community cannot tolerate criticism and ridicule from someone outside, even if they themselves have some criticism of one kind or another.
6.
I would like this article to reach the right people. People who are not subscribers to Yated Ne'eman and don't even read it at all.
Even if you have criticism of certain conduct within the public or on the part of the establishment, take this measuring tool and use it: if you are hurt by criticism or attacks on the Haredi public from the outside, you are clearly part of the Haredi public, flesh and blood.
You want with all your heart that the representation of this public be so large and so strong that it will be able to prevent the injustices that are being done to you, and at the same time, cause criticism and slander to lose their effectiveness, because if you are weak and have no representation, you truly feel small in front of "everyone," but if you grow and become strong and are represented in quantity and quality, then you are "everyone" and all those who shout are the minority.
7.
This conversation with the lawyer also helped me define myself. I also write all sorts of things that could be interpreted as criticism, but you won't find me anywhere criticizing the "ultra-Orthodox public" or its leadership.
I come from a place that loves the public and its ways with every fiber of my being. From a place that wants to see my children and grandchildren follow this path and not deviate from it. A place that wants to strengthen the yeshivot and the world of Torah and sees the Abrahim as the pinnacle of aspirations and the elite of society. As long as they are at the top, the Haredi public is protected and safe.
These things are meant not only in my public writing but in my conversations within my home and with my friends. This is my inner truth. And if I have things to criticize, and I do, I will try to check where the problem is with me and if I don't find it, I will try to influence, not by being pushy but out of a strong inner desire to improve, to do good, to help ourselves. Free from any trace of desire to undermine or change the essence.
These things should make anyone who defines themselves as Haredi, but feels that things are not always going according to their wishes, and especially those who have been harmed by the system, especially in cases where they feel that they and their children are not accepted, understand that the most correct thing is still to strengthen the system and act within it and from within it to improve its conditions. I testify that there are very attentive ears, and hands that seek to bring closer and not to distance, to accommodate and not to reject, to brighten faces and not to frown upon them.
I have been here at Yated Ne'eman for 30 years and can attest to the desire to accommodate and bring together tens of thousands of families who may feel that someone has forgotten them. No one has forgotten. Just come to the warm embrace of Haredi Judaism. Actually, you don't even have to come. You have always been there.
• The column is published in Yated Ne'eman.'
