I am writing this article out of real pain.
Not out of a desire to defy, not from a position of arrogance or demanding space. .
This article was written on behalf of dozens and hundreds of other women. Most of them I know personally.
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""An ultra-Orthodox woman," I read, as they probably did, doing her husband's will. In every matter.
An ultra-Orthodox woman doesn't hesitate about anything. She doesn't have to decide beyond important decisions like furnishing the apartment or finding a match for her children.
An ultra-Orthodox woman, she is quietly and safely within the walls of her home. And her husband is the Minister of Foreign Affairs, who serves as her mouthpiece and voter.
I wish I could continue to believe in this. In this sweet Haredi legend. I wish I could continue to tell the world that this is how it is for everyone.
But unfortunately, the truth is a little different. The truth is that there are women who need to stand up alone, to speak up for themselves and for their families.
There are women whose disillusionment with the dream of "a good wife does her husband's will" led them to the "Bat Melech" shelter for ultra-Orthodox women who suffered intolerable violence in the name of this and similar laws.
There are women who did not reach the shelter, but following a divorce process they were left to deal with the clearly not easy economic, social and personal consequences (you'd be surprised, they didn't always initiate the divorce alone. Sometimes it was a joint decision and sometimes the other party initiated it).
Are those women who have to decide for themselves who to vote for no longer considered ultra-Orthodox women, since they do not do their husbands' will?
These women have to deal with their children not being accepted into schools. With landlords who are unwilling to rent apartments to them because they are divorced. With employers who are unwilling to hire divorced women, and with a society that rejects them because they are no longer in the "mainstream.".
Not just choosing sofas
These same women struggle every day with situations much more complex than choosing furniture.
They are forced to make their voices heard everywhere: in courts, tribunals, welfare offices, places of study and work. They do not have the privilege of sending others for them and for their families.
They make their voices heard because they have no choice.
They fight to be part of a society that sometimes rejects them. They need someone to speak for them in the important places.
The last thing they need is further social rejection in the name of the saying "A good Haredi woman is only one who does her husband's will," and all the other women, who dare and need to make their voices heard, are no longer in our society.
The saying of Chazal, "A virtuous woman does the will of her husband," was certainly not intended to exclude certain women from the society to which they belong. .
Haredi women of all kinds who are dealing with other issues need representation that will make their voice heard in matters related to them and their lives. Not in every place and matter can one turn to one's husband.
It is not appropriate to turn to a man for every matter.
I don't think that with one statement or another, these or other women can be made part of society or rejected from society.
The definition of "Haredi" or "Haredit" is much more complex than two words or a single sentence that determines who is in and who is out.
Just don't close your eyes.
I am an ultra-Orthodox woman who is happy to be part of the ultra-Orthodox society. I look at society with a loving but realistic eye. I am not afraid to see the less perfect things - out of a desire to fix and improve.
There is a place for women's voices to be heard.
It is possible and desirable to debate the path, the place, and the right way to do this.
But don't close your eyes because the saying "What you can't see doesn't exist" is like an escape from reality and not an appropriate way to cope.
It hurts us - as a society, it hurts every woman who deals with different issues alone.
This could be your sister, your sister-in-law, your mother, or your daughter.
Don't leave them to cope alone.
Don't ignore the need, it's in our souls.
The writer is the chairwoman of the "Basher Talchi" organization, which assists Haredi women and families in situations of divorce and separation.
