The Holy One, blessed be He, is looking for special parents for these souls. Not flashy parents, strong parents. Who will not throw them away. Who will not despair. Who will not give up - even when the whole world gives up • But society? Instead of saluting these parents - it sometimes steps on them. Instead of embracing - it marks them. Instead of embracing - it gossips. Instead of fighting for them - it distances itself from them • Rabbi Avraham Menachem Eisenbach, founder of the 'Migdalor Center for Education and Soul', in a special column for the Haredim 10
1.
In a generation of “a spirit that is not found,” it is forbidden to murder children with words.
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There are sentences that leave no marks on the body, but they burn souls to ashes. “Well… the apple didn’t fall far from the tree…”, “If the son is like this, there must be something wrong at home…”, “The parents probably didn’t invest…”
People throw out sentences like that indifferently, continue drinking coffee, continue smiling, continue living, and don't realize that maybe a moment ago they stabbed a father in the heart, crushed a mother, and buried a little more hope inside a child's soul.
Because behind every 'boy who drops out' there is an entire house that is bleeding silently.
There is a father who sits alone at night in the dark living room and asks himself where he went wrong; there is a mother who hides tears in the pillow so that the other children won't hear; there are parents who run around between supervisors, therapists, conversations, prayers, hopes and failures - and then some "great educator" arrives, who doesn't know even one percent of what they're going through, and calmly decides:
“"The apple didn't fall far from the tree.".
God forbid. God forbid. God forbid.
In previous generations there may have been other attempts. But this generation is a generation of “a spirit that is not found.” The world has changed. The street has become a war. Impurity does not wait in corners – it enters the pocket, the room, the head, the soul.
A sixteen-year-old boy today faces storms that once even adults did not know. Confusion has become a culture; noise has become a way of life; and the war for every Jewish soul has become a real world war. Indeed, sometimes the wind is so strong that the apple evaporates far, far from the tree…
And then comes a child who can't hold on. A child who falls. A child who gets confused. A child who is looking for himself. And what does society do? Instead of wrapping - it marks. Instead of hugging - it gossips. Instead of fighting for him - it distances itself from him.
And the worst thing? She blames the parents.
As if a child is an “identity card.” As if a child’s success is proof that the parents are perfect, and a child’s struggle is proof that they have failed.
But children are not the property of their parents. They are not a social trophy of prestige. A child is a deposit that the Holy One, blessed be He, places in the hands of a father and mother. A soul with a path, correction, and experience that only Heaven knows the depth of.
There are souls whose path passes through fire.
And the Holy One, blessed be He, is supposedly looking for special parents for these souls. Not flashy parents, strong parents. Parents who won't throw up. Who won't despair. Who won't give up even when the whole world throws up their hands. Parents who know how to hold a child even when he screams, even when he falls, even when it breaks his heart.
Yes. The Holy One, blessed be He, has a youth who is competing.
And he is looking for homes with broad shoulders, a huge heart, and the patience of love.
The greatest trust that heaven can give to parents is to tell them, as it were: “I am handing this soul over to you. Because you will not give it up.”
But society? Instead of saluting these parents - sometimes steps on them.
There's a father who walks around a wedding and feels like all eyes are on him; there's a mother who's afraid to go to the grocery store because someone might "hint" at her again; there are siblings who cringe in shame because of gossip from people who call themselves "God-fearing"; and there's one guy, one soul, who hears everything - and even if he's silent, inside he's crumbling to pieces.
Because a child who feels that his father is ashamed of him - breaks down inside. A boy who feels that the community is copying him - stops believing in himself. And a boy who hears that his parents are being talked about because of his struggles - begins to think that he no longer has a place in the world.
And then they wonder why he moves even further away.
People don't understand the power of words. One sentence can light a soul, and one sentence can extinguish it forever.
Imagine a guy trying to get up. Really trying. He's already taken a small step in the right direction. Then he hears: "Leave it... nothing will come of it anymore."“
In that moment, years of hope can be erased.
But if someone had stopped him, looked him in the eye and said: “I believe in you. Even if you fell - you are not a fall. You are a precious soul” - perhaps his whole future would have looked different.
2.
And whoever gossips should be afraid. Yes, be afraid.
Because no one has insurance. No home is safe. It is precisely those who feel too safe who may one day discover how complicated life is.
Sometimes all it takes is one friend, one moment, one crisis, one wound — for the best child to find himself in a place no parent ever dreamed of.
And then suddenly everything seems different. Suddenly the sentences thrown at others sound like knives.
When you see parents of a struggling child - don't look at them with pity. Look at them with awe. These are people who fight every day for a Jewish soul. While others sleep - they cry. While others talk - they look for a way to save. While others walk away - they continue to love even when their hearts are broken.
Appreciate them.
The way rare experts are valued, people who hold enormous responsibility - that's how they should be viewed. Because they hold the most precious thing in the world: the heart of a Jewish child who is in a storm.
Not everyone is capable of this. Not everyone knows how to contain such pain without breaking down. Not everyone knows how to continue hugging a child even after falls. Not everyone is capable of fighting for a son who has already given up on himself.
These are not weak parents. These are people with huge souls.
And this generation? This generation doesn't need any more judges. It doesn't need any more commentators, gossip, and whispers in the hallway. It needs people with hearts. People who know that sometimes the most "spoiled" child on the outside is the most wounded soul on the inside.
And every Jew, before uttering a word about a struggling child, should stop and ask himself: If this were my son - would I want them to talk like this? If this were my family - would I stand by it?
And the truth? Sometimes a boy's entire future depends on one sentence. One word can bury him. And one word can save him.
And in a generation where so many souls are crying out for warmth, we must not be the people who turn it off.
3.
I am privileged to bask in the shadow of my teacher and rabbi, the Rebbe of Zutshka - a holy Jew who is like a ladder placed on earth in personal connection with every young man and woman, but whose head reaches heavenward in the service of God and the study of Torah.
Every Shabbat, I suckle a little bit of the taste of Heaven in the Pirkei Avot lesson, known for its sweetness to all who gather under its shadow.
Last Shabbat, the Rebbe told a story that was etched in the hearts of everyone who heard it.
The Rebbe of Zutshka. Photo: Courtesy
When he was teaching a lesson in a yeshiva, a very weak young man studied there. Not “weak” just in his studies - but a young man who almost everyone had already given up on. He struggled, fell, was unable to maintain order like others, and at times it seemed as if he simply did not belong in the yeshiva world. Some had already labeled him. Some had already condemned him in their hearts.
But he had a father. A father who didn't give up.
That father invested endlessly in his son. Money, time, mental strength, tears, prayers. He ran from place to place for him, fought for him in front of institutions, begged to be given another chance, another week, another good look. But as the years passed - he too began to break down.
One day the father met the Zutshka Rebbe and poured out his heart to him in tears. “Rabbi,” he said in a choked voice, “a very good friend of mine told me to stop investing in this child. He told me: ‘You have other good children. This child is weak. Maybe he will be a grocery store owner… Why are you burning your life on him?’”
You can imagine the silence that was there. A broken father. A shattered heart. A man who no longer knows whether to keep fighting or give up.
Then the Rebbe looked at him with excitement and told him in sharp and clear words: “Under no circumstances should you stop investing in him. Continue. And even more continue. Don’t let go of him even for a moment.”
These words entered the father's heart. He took it upon himself to continue. Even when it hurt. Even when everyone around him didn't understand him. Even when he didn't see results. He continued to love, to hold, to fight for his child.
Years passed.
One day, the Rebbe says, he was on his way from home to the yeshiva, and suddenly he saw a man standing and waiting for him on the side of the road. As he approached, he recognized it as the same father.
But this time he wasn't crying. This time his face was wet with a different kind of excitement.
Without saying a word, he took out a “teaching permit” from his pocket and presented it to the Rebbe.
“Rabbi,” he said in a trembling voice, “do you see this? This is the boy I was told would be a ‘grocer’s owner.’ This is the boy I was told to stop investing in. And I listened to the Rebbe’s advice. I continued to invest. I continued to believe. And today? Today he is one of the most important students of the sages. He teaches Torah to many. He sits and ponders the Torah in great depth.”.
The Rebbe concluded with excitement: One must not despair because of a child. Oh, how one must not…
Because sometimes the child that everyone has marked with an X is actually the greatest soul. Sometimes the child that seems “weak” on the outside holds a treasure inside that no one has yet discovered. And if there is just one person who continues to believe in him – he can turn worlds around.
Some children were lost simply because people gave up on them too soon.
And how many souls were saved thanks to one father who didn't break. Thanks to one mother who didn't stop loving. Thanks to one educator who believed even in the darkness.
Because a Jewish child is not a “lost bag.” And a Jewish soul is not measured by a momentary fall.
Sometimes a child's entire future depends on one person who refuses to give up on them.
