Our past, when there was no coronavirus, is like someone close to us who died.
Not exactly dead, but absent. And that's exactly our problem in digesting the situation.
If, God forbid, the previous period had existed and was no longer there, it would have been easier for us to 'work' the thing. But it lives within us, and it lives in our expectations, and we know that with God's help we will return to it, so it is difficult for us, very difficult.
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Still, let's see how we are in the process of mourning, and how we can emerge from it, because we have already gone through the stages in question.
The first stage in processing a breakup from something good we had is the denial stage.
For a long time we denied: It can't be, it's not here, it's only abroad, things like this will never happen here!
We saw how people in China were walking around with masks on, and we looked at them like chickens in humans, we saw how people in Italy were stealing food from stores, and we looked at it as if it were something out of a fairy tale. We saw how patients were filling the hospitals, and we were sure that this could not happen with us.
The first wave also made us realize that we were right. We can get through this relatively well, here's a fact...
But day by day we see that it is dangerous, that it exists, that it is also here, and it will not help us to deny and isolate, this is not a situation that is only suitable for regions of other countries and has no foothold in our country, it is a worldwide situation and there is nothing to deny or disavow.
We also went through the second stage, which is the stage of anger.
We asked ourselves why all this storm had come upon us? Why was this rabbi specifically harmed? How is it that three people were taken from one family? How is it that all our dreams were put aside? How is it that they want us to stay in our homes without employment, without a livelihood? How will we manage both with the children and their 'Zooms' and with ourselves at the same time?
We were angry at anyone, the government, the police, our spouse, the children, the walls.
We also tried to touch on the third stage, which is the bargaining stage.
If only they had found a vaccine then... If I were a better mother then... If everything is okay now, I promise I won't forget the lessons of this period, but it will be okay. I promise I learned the lesson, that's it, enough.
We bargained with the government and asked over and over why it does these things to us? Why does it prevent us from going out, meeting, running on the roads, entering gyms and restaurants, why???
We bargained with ourselves, because the truth is, we're pretty isolated and we don't have that many people to argue with, but we thought that maybe this bargaining would make up for our loss.
And we have reached the fourth stage of mourning.
The depression has arrived.
We began to realize that the previous period would not return. We began to understand that, alas, we would find ourselves stuck at home for maybe six months or a year. We began to understand that if before we couldn't find something to give the children to do all day, then certainly now.
And from depression we felt so bad that we became silent. Suddenly there was less denial, less anger at others, less bargaining, less self-flagellation, less unnecessary questions. We dug deeper into ourselves, depressed, giving up, surrendering, sad, swallowing our saliva.
And now, after we denied, we were angry, we bargained, we were depressed -
It's time for the fifth stage. The acceptance stage.
In the acceptance phase, we are already after processing the loss.
True, the previous era is gone. We have to manage without it. It won't help if we grumble in front of various authorities, it won't help if we bargain with police officers on the streets, it won't help us argue with family members, or with others who still claim that there is nothing and there was nothing.
Nothing will help us, except what?
Except knowing that this is it. And now we have to get what we can out of this situation.
True, it's easy to say and hard to do, but this is the moment to change the direction of thought, to know that it's not for a short period, but for a long period.
Let's build our lives according to our situation.
I always advise parents when they are at home with their children to prepare a schedule for themselves.
There is no choice, I explain, 'If you don't arrange your time, time will arrange you. And it is less wise and clever than you, and more spontaneous and not thinking and considering.'.
Build yourself a detailed schedule of when you get up, what you eat, what you drink, when you study, how you study, and how.
Organize any mental clutter by using page order. What comes first, how things are done.
We organized the house in a way that was suitable for an extended stay. Everyone knew what belonged to them and where it belonged, what their role was, and how they would perform it. What was allowed and what was not.
Also consider the Consistency But you too The slight deviation. Be flexible.
Also consider the The reckoning, In front of yourself and those at home who believe they are allowed to do whatever they want, but you also Consideration And accepting that sometimes things won't happen the way we wanted them to.
You, the parents, were the leaders of the house, and shared authority. Only a person who takes on some of the tasks can feel part of this army, and you want all members of the house to feel part of the house and to share in the responsibilities.
Yes, look at the previous period as if it were gone. Don't try to imagine that it is standing at your door and will return in a moment.
But light up the hope. Because that period may have been wasted, but with God's help, a better period will come.
And perhaps, in fact, already now, on the Sukkot holiday ahead of us, together with the Corona virus, after we have digested the mourning and accepted the judgment upon ourselves, we will find ourselves in a wonderful time.
Yes, let's believe that it is possible and feasible.
