One of the questions that really bothers parents is - how is it possible that they were very successful in raising one child and failed in raising a second child? After all, both children grew up in the same home, received the same love and were treated with the same devotion. Sometimes this happens even to twin brothers.
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Parents walk around with an unresolved question - are we good parents or not?
The fallacy here lies in turning the child's behavior into a tool that supposedly proves whether the parents are 'good' or not. Ostensibly, if they succeeded in raising one child, this is proof that they are 'good parents.' However, since they failed in raising the second child, perhaps they are not such 'good parents'?
But this is a mistake, because it ignores an important and central factor that motivates people.
Not everything is causal.
In modern psychology, there are concepts that look for a reason for everything. Is the child not doing well in school? Does he seem to have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder? Is he acting dishonestly? Let's look for past traumas that have not been dealt with. Is he violent? It seems he has seen too much violence in games and media. Is time not right for him? This stems from a family line that has never been punctual. And so on.
These explanations look nice, but they ignore the fact that man is not bound by a system of cause and effect. The behavior of a human being is not like the behavior of materials in physics. These are completely subject to the laws of nature. Man was given free choice, and he chooses how to act according to his will and not out of compulsion for such and such reasons.
Indeed, the experiences a person has, their family background, their personal qualities, and so on certainly influence them, but it is not right to base their decisions and choices solely on them. Ultimately, they are the ones who choose and decide, in their free choice. It is impossible to absolve them of responsibility and blame everything on one reason or another.
Therefore, a person's choice cannot answer the question of whether his parents were 'good parents.' It is possible that they were excellent parents, and he chose to turn his back on everything they gave him; and it is possible, on the contrary, that they were bad parents, and yet he chose the good path.
Recognizing this fact is important not only for the parents' self-confidence, which is sometimes shaken by all the theories that expect them to present perfect parenting. It is also very important for the child. He must know that the responsibility lies with him, and that he cannot hide behind blaming his parents and attributing his behavior to various 'reasons'.
Jacob and Esau
Jacob and Esau grew up in the same home, were educated by the same parents. Indeed, they were different in character from the moment they were created, but in the end the choices they made were theirs alone. Each and every one of them could have made a different choice, and therefore the righteous one is rewarded for his good choice and vice versa.
Of course, parents should strive to be better. Invest more in their children. Set a living example of ethical behavior. Be attentive to their children. But after all, the choice is up to the child, and it is his alone.
