1.
If I hadn't heard about the 'secret plan' from a senior Haredi official, I would have said that this was a strange, illogical, impossible conspiracy.
But the man who is telling me the details is someone who knows a thing or two about what is happening in intra-Haredi politics. He holds a senior position in one of the Haredi parties, and what's more, I won't suggest anything.
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It is possible that the mere leaking of the story will harm the progress of the planned move, to the best of the knowledge of the source who spoke to me, but the more I delve into it, the harder it is for me not to feel how insulting it is to the ultra-Orthodox sector, even if its planners did not intend it to be.
A stinking exercise or a fertile imagination of the source? Time will tell.
2.
Let's start with a story.
Once, Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi asked God, Blessed be He, to teach him His ways and explain to him why a righteous man is evil to him, and a wicked man is good to him.
The prophet Elijah appeared to him. Rabbi Yehoshua asked him to walk with him on the road and see how he carried out God's mission, in an attempt to understand what he wanted to understand. The prophet Elijah made a condition with him: See what you see, things will anger you, but you must promise in advance that you will not bother me with questions. The day you ask me to explain my actions, we will part ways.
Rabbi Yehoshua agreed to the conditions - and they set off.
I won't bore you with all the details of his journey, we will reach the final destination, during which they reached the big city.
The prophet Elijah said: Let us go to the synagogue and wait to see, perhaps someone will invite us to stay at his house. They waited and waited, and then they heard one of the worshipers say to his friend: 'Look, the poor have come again. Who will feed them this time?' His friend answered him: 'There is no need, it is enough to bring them some bread, salt and water to the synagogue.' Thus the rest of the worshipers ignored them, throwing a few coins at them - and that was the end of the assistance.
In the morning, after our meeting in the synagogue and the morning prayer, they said goodbye to the people of the city. "May you all be leaders and important people," Eliyahu greeted them.
Before sunset, they arrived at another city, where they were welcomed with joy and kindness. They were taken into a large and comfortable house, honored with delicacies, and given drinks.
When they parted in the morning, the prophet Elijah greeted them: "May the Holy One, blessed be He, grant them only one head.".
After the series of puzzling things he saw on his way, Rabbi Yehoshua could not help but ask: 'Why?' - even though he knew that this would bring the end of his journey.
"I wished that the arrogant, who did not respect us, would all be chiefs," said Eliyahu. "In any case, they would fight and quarrel among themselves, and there would be no peace in the city. I wished that those who welcomed us well would have only one mayor, and thus peace would actually prevail there.".
Remember this story. We'll need it later.
3.
Remember that night, a few weeks ago, when the coalition was supposed to fall apart?
In the end, it didn't happen. Some insist that a secret poll placed on the prime minister's desk two days before that Monday that will be remembered for good (or bad) convinced him to back down from the idea of bringing the elections forward.
Dissolution over the background of a budget transfer (the conflict was over the transfer of a one-year or two-year budget) is not good in this era of Corona, in which every word related to money reminds people only of layoffs, hardship, and other kinds of hardships.
Since this impossible government was formed, I have argued that it will never reach the desired goal (from Gantz's perspective): vacating Balfour from its current residents, and rolling out a red carpet for Gantz to the premiership. "There is a trick for every contingency," I repeated, referring to the contract signed between the parties, which contained a whole handful of loopholes, each of which allows one to escape into the open air, outside the Bibi-Gantz wedding.
A budget transfer date that passes is an excellent exercise in disintegration. In such a case, the culprit is not Netanyahu, it is just the date that somehow arrived. In such a case, Netanyahu remains a caretaker prime minister, until he forms the next government, or until he forms the government after that (meaning he will run for elections again), or until the government after that is formed... or until the coming of a savior of justice.
But the secret, internal survey taught him that the background was inappropriate.
Then, we moved on to the next exercise - and it is fascinating and interesting. I will emphasize at the outset that the description presented in this column has no official confirmation, neither from sources close to the Prime Minister nor from Haredi sources, who are described as being involved in the exercise. This is a story that is solely the responsibility of the narrator. Take note and consider this to be a cute political fairy tale. That's all.
If it also happens in reality, and it were our fault...
4.
How does the exercise work in the legend? Here are the steps.
In the first stage, Housing Minister Yaakov Litzman is furious with the government, and especially its leader, hurling a barrage of accusations at the Health Ministry and even the Prime Minister. You won't believe it, he even resigns from his position as minister (well, that's meaningless when his people continue to actually run the ministry, but forget about such minutiae). Boom!
That is, an apparent boom. It was supposed to be a boom, Litzman thought it would be a supersonic boom. Netanyahu was building on an immediate chain effect. In practice, the Haredi delegation was a little less excited than the sidelines, and continued to sit glued to the leather chairs.
Summary: Phase 1 ended with moderate success. That is, it was carried out, but its impact was somehow dwarfed.
We have moved on to phase two. The Haredim are furious. Why? First, because a closure was decided that fell precisely on the Jewish holidays. Second, because the prayers of the High Holy Days were affected. Third, if you will, because the Breslov Hasidim were stuck on their way to Uman (because of Bibi) - and most importantly: the voices coming from government ministers about closing the synagogues, perhaps as early as Yom Kippur.
When the Haredim get angry, they demonstrate in front of Aryeh Deri's house, print placards saying they are fed up with Shas, that they will no longer vote for it - and then, Deri 'gives in' to the pressure, says, 'I can't take it anymore', and also resigns from the Netanyahu government.
The source claims that Deri is a full partner in the plan. There is no confirmation of this from any source, so continue to treat it with limited certainty.
Wait. There's something unpleasant: Deri promised Ashkenazi from Blue and White that he is the guarantor and responsible for this government not falling and Gantz entering Balfour. What will he do with this promise?
Deri denies it at all, but here, for example, is what the Shas chairman's advisors could scribble for him: "My dear and beloved Gabi, I love you so much, I didn't want the government to fall apart, but understand - the Haredim are being abused, they ruined our Rosh Hashanah prayers, now they want to ruin Yom Kippur for us too, the Braslavs are furious with me - understand me, I've found myself in a bad situation, I have no choice. I love you, Aryeh.".
They'll say, this is his second stinking exercise in life. So they'll say. He'll keep humming, "I love you.".
If Litzman is out and Deri is out, it's only a matter of time until the rest of the Agudais are out. What Rebbe will allow the cancellation of Yom Kippur prayers in the minyan and not order Eichler/Tesler and everyone else to retire? Even so, children in the Haidars have to play in modern spinning tops that have become sneakers and say, "We're doing fitness here" when the police arrive and catch them studying their Talmud. Where else will we go?
Antiochus and his sons, here and now.
And what about Degel? It is enough to involve the senior members of the House of Representatives, who will make sure to share the desired information with our MKs at the appropriate time and place. Moreover, Chairman Degel is currently recovering from difficult medical treatments, and he should not be bothered by trifles.
5.
Who should be bothered by all this 'goodness' anyway?
Let's start with the winners. The people of Israel, ostensibly. After all, the current government is not really functioning, and when there are two prime ministers (an original and an alternate) it is a curse and not really a blessing (remember the 'blessing' of the prophet Elijah, 'May they all be leaders'? So Bibi and Gantz, in a nutshell, are different).
Look at the strange lockdown that has descended on us since Friday at 2:00 PM, and which no one in the world (including the police at the checkpoints) really knows how to interpret; the confusion surrounding the morbidity data, the traffic light that was moved aside; and the frequent changes in instructions and procedures (every Jew has to carry a suitcase full of detailed paperwork with them, if they want to keep the law).
Trust has been lost, the street does not obey (we will not generalize, but in percentage terms it is too high a percentage of anarchists), morbidity is rising, the graphs are alarming, cries for help are rising from the hospitals – and please, we are coming?
Who are the losers?
Well, it's completely clear. Benny Gantz, and with him the Blue and White party, which has collapsed in recent months, since he took the (surprising, some might say) step of joining Netanyahu's government.
Perhaps Netanyahu too. After all, he is interested in dissolving his government, but he doesn't really want to absorb letters of outrage from the Haredi public. You will be angry with him, but only pretending to be. Will it be like that in reality? Not sure.
What is clear is that the big losers will be... the ultra-Orthodox public. Once again, our image will suffer a fatal blow. "Because of you" we went to the elections, they will scold us, and they will forget that we were part of a stinking exercise.
They will say that we did not obey the instructions sufficiently (and forget the protesters in Balfour). They will remind us that it was our representatives who dismantled the (lame) coalition and will forget that this government has a landlord, and he is not necessarily Haredi.
In favor of additional mandates for Avigdor Lieberman. In favor of Netanyahu becoming a caretaker prime minister.
Could all of this be true? Time will tell.
