I'm retarded! No, I'm not ashamed to start a column with that fact. But I'll just add one word after the word 'retarded', I'm technologically retarded! Aha.... Now you can all breathe a sigh of relief, 'He's only technologically retarded.'.
This is truly comforting. But know that in a few short years, every 'technologically retarded' will be officially recognized as retarded. Then adding the word 'technological' won't help. A technologically retarded person will be retarded. But that will happen, as mentioned, only in a few years.
So to prepare for these years, because right now I'm quite comfortable with your sigh of relief, I motivated myself to catch up with the technological gap I'm in. And so I equipped myself with the best of others' progress in order to develop technologically myself.
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I picked up the phone to consult with my friends on how to develop. First, a friend told me to buy a smartphone, a second friend said to go to the nearest gadget store, a third friend said you need a laptop.
I felt 'I've achieved ruin', because I didn't understand a single concept of the concepts they expressed to me. I hung up the call while nodding 'Sure, I'll buy all of that.' I opened the yellow pages, and let my fingers go in my place, straight to the various technology values.
I invited a technologist to my house to advise me on how to proceed. He entered my house with a large bag.
And so with a large bag he began his own lecture. To develop technologically, you need to go across two levels. First, you need to get a computer, and in addition, to be smart, you need a smartphone. I told him that I already have a computer. And I don't have a smartphone yet. And inside I was really excited that for a few shekels I would also be smart. Of course I didn't externalize it. My dedicated technologist cleared his throat and said, "Ah... so you're not retarded, you're only half retarded." Of course I took that as a compliment.
He asked about 'apple', have you heard?' I remembered that I had not treated him to anything. I went to the kitchen, cut up an apple, a banana, and various fruits, with apple juice (he said apple) and served it to him. He was very happy and excited by the treat I had served him.
But then he justified himself and explained that he had not intended to be a treat, and that he had just finished lunch (it was 10 a.m.). He only added that there was a company in the US called 'Apple' and that it manufactured smartphones. I told him that my 'Apple' was not industrial and that it grew on the neighbor's tree.
Many people are wrong about this.
He asked if I had heard of Android, I told him he should pay more attention to the retarded half than to the other half. Because I realized he was wrong about me (many people are wrong about this). So he said it was a very friendly smartphone. And I, who am a die-hard company lover, took the device in both hands and looked at it.
I saw a device with a large screen and one large button at the bottom. There's a light on top and a camera flash on the back. He told me that it's both a phone, a camera, and like a PDA, and on top of all that it also has a touch screen. I told him that everything you can touch has a touch screen.
I noticed that he was very impressed with my intelligence, and I could already feel how he was taking me from a 'semi-retarded' state to a 'not at all retarded' state. Then suddenly he asked where your computer is located? I went to a drawer and took out my daughter's scientific calculator, which she uses in math classes at school.
The above-mentioned person again cleared his throat impolitely (he needs a doctor) and said that this is called a calculator, and also I'm sorry, if I was wrong about you, you are a complete retard, not half.
I was offended here!
In any case, I've already submitted forms to be officially recognized as a retard, technologically of course...
