From the moment the invitation popped out of the mailbox, we knew we were being invited to an unconventional wedding, at least in terms of our small street in the Brachfeld Manor.<\/p>\r\n
'"Dikla and Guy are getting married," declared the caption on the envelope, alongside a cute drawing of two bears holding hands, an illustration that, it must be said, amazed my neighbor Akiva, a Hasidic Alexander, who had a little trouble understanding the connection between the teddy bears and Dikla and Guy and me.<\/p>\r\n
I have to do something about this mailman. How many times have I asked him to stuff the materials deep in the box?<\/p>\r\n
Guy, isn't this your cousin, the secular one, I asked my wife?<\/p>\r\n
\""I think," she replied thoughtfully, "I don't remember." And after a moment she added: "We have to go, it's family, they're like brothers, and they could get hurt.".<\/p>\r\n
The parents' names were missing from the invitation, but Dikla and Guy provided their phone numbers for confirmation, and also mentioned that at 6:30 PM in the Yavne event garden, the pagan religious ceremony known as 'hugs and kisses' begins, or in other words: the stage in which the fat aunt with the ruby \u200b\u200bkisses you despite your protests because you are a religious person, and also an aesthete who is forced to refrain from the act.<\/p>\r\n
Over one phone call, we confirmed with Guy that he had a little trouble remembering who my wife was, but he quickly came to his senses and joined us, and also promised that there would be 'kosher dishes' for the Haredi guests.<\/p>\r\n
Enthusiasm gripped us. We felt that the government was shining its light on us, the religious minority, and we rushed to share it with our brothers and cousins.<\/p>\r\n
But these quickly cooled the enthusiasm.<\/p>\r\n
\""I won't go to this wedding," announced Shuki, the cousin who serves as the host at a small yeshiva in the evening, in a resolute voice. "There are issues of modesty and kosher, and I don't even know if the kiddushin will be accepted," he said.<\/p>\r\n
His brother Yosefi also said there was a problem, but maybe he would make it to the wedding, but we still have to be respectful. Everyone always comes 'only' to the wedding, but finds themselves continuing on to the event itself.<\/p>\r\n
\u2022<\/p>\r\n
The day of the event approached and Mom called to remind her: "Come early, it's a luxurious event venue," which led to the question of how much to give.<\/p>\r\n
We have a tray divided into crackers that we got for the wedding. I mentioned this to my wife, who made a strange sound and said, "Not funny.".<\/p>\r\n
Then she said: "200, 300?"\"<\/p>\r\n
\""In a dream I would give 300 to Guy," I said, "I never liked him. Such an arrogant person.".<\/p>\r\n
My wife reminded me that this was a slightly strange statement given the fact that I had never met him, and tried to compromise on 150 shekels.<\/p>\r\n
\""What's 150 for?" I asked. "How much do the kosher dishes cost him, and besides, let's see how much Shuki gives.".<\/p>\r\n
Shuki isn't coming to the wedding, my wife informed me, and I hurried to inform her that he actually is coming in the end, because he thinks it's appropriate for a character like him to be seen at the event. He thought about it and came to the conclusion that it's important, important for the family.<\/p>\r\n
Then the next question: to come with a hat and a suit, or maybe just a suit. I don't want to look different, I insisted. And the woman said: "What, are you ashamed of being Haredi? What, does it seem strange for a person with Haredi appearance to appear at a secular wedding? Do you feel like you stand out in the colorful crowd wearing black?"\"<\/p>\r\n
I was glad she had articulated my concerns well and we settled on black pants and a bow tie, which, as it turned out later, gave me the look of a rising French businessman.<\/p>\r\n
\u2022<\/p>\r\n
\u00a0Upon entering the parking lot, I encountered an elderly Russian man in a tie who, using a flashlight, gestured toward my car asking where I should park.<\/p>\r\n
Two things bothered me about his behavior: A. The lights above him were on very brightly, and the glow stick seemed a bit unnecessary to me. B. The field was completely empty at this point, and I was a little afraid of losing myself in the space given his instructions.<\/p>\r\n
We walked along the narrow path towards the event garden. Waterfalls flowed on the sides, and goldfish, some of which had lost their color and were now silver and gold. We approached the gathering of people and out of nowhere the fat aunt with the lipstick landed on us and said: "I know you're Haredi, but I can't help myself." Why for God's sake? Why can't you help yourself? And what is this shocking glitter?<\/p>\r\n
\""Would you like to use Easy-to-Give, sir?" a graceful waitress asked me.<\/p>\r\n
"Sure," I replied cheerfully, "but what is it?"<\/p>\r\n
\""This is an easy and simple way to give your gift to the couple using a credit card," the young woman recited. "The amount goes directly to the happy couple's account." She pointed to two devices at the entrance and suggested I try them out.<\/p>\r\n
I'd rather not experiment, I said. I remembered the crumpled check I had in my pocket, and I realized that it would be a shame to bother the credit card machine for the amount I was planning. I also imagined the output that Guy and Dikla would have later, when Dikla would distinguish among the other generous amounts a slightly strange line containing only 2 digits, and Guy would say: "Oh, this is my lousy cousin and her annoying husband. Misers.".<\/p>\r\n
Meanwhile, out of the corner of my eye, I caught my sister Eilat standing near the food stands scattered throughout the garden. She was munching on Chinese or Thai food.<\/p>\r\n
Wait, what about kashrut? What about Shmita?<\/p>\r\n
\""My husband approved it," she said. "He spoke to the supervisor on the phone, and besides, we also have the ruling from our rabbi, Rabbi Cohen.".<\/p>\r\n
Here our arguments come to a close. My brother-in-law has a mysterious, excellent rabbi, who always helps him in the difficult life of a Jew here in this world. A fun rabbi.<\/p>\r\n
\u2022<\/p>\r\n
\u00a0We set out to look for the overseer.<\/p>\r\n
In the dining room, they assured us that everything was fine, which worried us a little more, and we demanded to speak to the supervisor. An Eastern waiter in shorts and a T-shirt came out to us and also tried to calm us down, but we insisted: only the supervisor.<\/p>\r\n
\""I am the supervisor," said the Mizrahi with the T-shirt.<\/p>\r\n
There was a slight awkwardness, and my brother and I looked at each other.<\/p>\r\n
Meanwhile, the host announced the stars of the evening, Guy and Dikla, and invited them to the wedding.<\/p>\r\n
There, a young rabbi, wearing a dirty hat, was already waiting for them, trying to make the audience laugh as he described the two men's first meeting, as if he himself had been there. We sat on padded chairs and watched the spectacle, wondering why the rabbi took over all the blessings and didn't throw us some 'berachata achreta'.<\/p>\r\n
And we also wondered: If he can be a rabbi, can we be abbots of the courts? We approached him after the chuppah, and he said that he runs a printing house during the day, and only in the evening does he supplement his income by conducting chuppahs.<\/p>\r\n
We held on tightly to the small note that listed our seating location in the hall, but it soon became clear that there was no need for it.<\/p>\r\n
At the back of the hall stood a partition, under dim lighting, where the "Dossi" family members were seated.<\/p>\r\n
Even in my most unpleasant dreams, I never imagined that I would have to spend an entire evening with my 80-year-old Uncle Albert, who had recently been widowed by Aunt Esther.<\/p>\r\n
Luckily, sitting across from me was my cousin Shuki, who explained to us that this wedding was unnecessary. The witnesses weren't witnesses, the rabbi wasn't a rabbi, and the ring wasn't a ring.<\/p>\r\n
Besides, they'll get divorced soon anyway. That's how it is with secular people, everyone eventually leaves.<\/p>\r\n
Albert suddenly showed a youthful spirit when he quoted Yair Lapid that monogamous marriage in general is an illogical phenomenon. In nature, animals and mammals marry again and again, except for the eagle, which is married to the same partner for its entire life, which explains the fact that it is hungry and eats scraps all the time.<\/p>\r\n
I thought about how Albert's widowhood, who never stopped chewing and smiling, suddenly seemed to me in a completely different light.<\/p>\r\n
Meanwhile, the waiter approached us and brought us the kosher dishes with a smile.<\/p>\r\n
The pungent smell of a dining room filled my nostrils, and I pushed away the stained mugs.<\/p>\r\n
Eilat smiled at the waitress and ordered sole fish on a bed of bibi leaves with mustard and coconut sauce.<\/p>\r\n
The presence of her mysterious Rabbi Cohen was more real than ever. For my part, I took out the check and corrected it in the darkness under my wife's eyes: not another 150 shekels, but a hundred. Better 50.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"We knew from the invitation: This is not a conventional wedding. Certainly not the right one for the Berchfeld family \u2022 Cousin Shuki also announced that he would not be attending: There is a problem of modesty and who knows if 'the kiddushin will catch up' \u2022 Eliezer Heun on the dilemma of a Haredi at the big wedding","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[138],"tags":[457,636],"class_list":["post-230584","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-138","tag-457","tag-636"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n