How does the situation in Gaza relate to your child's discipline? I Mencha Fox in a special column

March 28, 2019   

I don't understand much about national security, nor am I familiar with our relations with our neighbors and enemies. I understand more about educational matters. Still, let's see how our family reality is completely parallel to the political one, and there is no difference between political security and family security. Humans are human beings and everyone can be taught the same way. Want to get your child to do what you ask of them? Want to stop a child's wild behavior? Want to eradicate an irritating phenomenon that children engage in? Come and learn from those who are older than you. Come and teach what not to do. 1. Prepare a clear plan in advance. Know where you are going. In our actions against our enemies in the south, I still don't understand what we are striving for. What is the plan? Where do you want to get to? If, for example, your 8-year-old child argues about everything and is unwilling to do what you ask of him, try to think of a known and clear plan according to which you will act. As long as you don't know what you want from him, and what you aspire to happen, he will not deviate from his path. If you want your child to be more disciplined, start thinking about what your plan of action is and only then, start carrying it out. 2. Don't repeat what you did yesterday and the day before if you didn't see that it was helpful. Do you know the game of ping pong? The ball bounces and bounces back, bounces and bounces back, everything is clear in advance and there is no change. In the south of the country, too, the reality is like a ping pong ball, they launch, we respond, we shoot, they respond. And so on for years. They also know how to defend themselves, just as we know. So does your child: the child already knows your reaction and is no longer afraid. Sometimes a child acts the way he acts, just so that you will act the way you act. Pre-determined behavior makes it easier for the child and makes him strive for it. When he knows in advance what you will do, he knows how to prepare himself for your reaction. He prepares both hands to block his ears from your shouting, your alarms or your digging. And when he is small and innocent, he simply hides in his bunker, under the sofa, so that you will not see him. And you continue the show and pretend not to see yourself. 3. Don't dig! Are you also one of those who talk a lot and do nothing? You can see how this happens when you hear us cheering and barking over and over again. But the barking has no effect and the convoy passes by. When you dig in on people, they no longer hear. Your children also develop deafness to your words. Talk less. That will make a difference. 4. Don't give up! Yes, you are already sure that something needs to be done about it, you do. But when the child responds with crying, or with sorrow, you immediately fold. If you didn't fold, woe to your self-flagellation. Your guilty conscience will not free you. Surely you learned this from our army in the south. It does what it does, but when it strikes, it seems to panic and retreats. Hey, what did we do? Who knows, maybe we were wrong? Wait, decide, do you want to hurt, or just strike a light blow and that's it? 5. Don't apologize! The child asks for forgiveness? That's nice! But if every time you approach him he cries out: "Sorry, I won't do it again" - you cannot accept his forgiveness. The one who says I will sin and return, I will sin and return, is not allowed to repent. In contrast, they are our enemies, who when they are attacked place their hand on their heart and ask for: "ceasefire." And indeed, they strive for a truce, when it is inconvenient for them, should we also agree to it? Stop accepting the child's request for forgiveness at any time, he learns that he can do whatever he wants. The fact is, if he just puts his hand on his heart, you will feel sorry, surrender, cease and even believe that it will not happen again, even if you have witnessed it a thousand times, despite the promises. 6. Don't fight! Don't win! As long as you try to be right, victorious, and all-knowing, your children will prove to you that you are not like that, they will fight with all their might, to bring you to understand that you are not the strongest in the world. Even Gazan ants are able to hide in holes and come out of them, the main thing is to prove that they are here, to prove that they exist and that they are the winners. For the most part, there are no winners in war. Did you fight? Did you punish? Did you prove yourself? Now wait, it will come back to you! 7. What should I do? Since I don't understand much about politics and I don't know what might make our enemies change their behavior, I can't explain what to do about the South, and I'll leave that to those who do. On the other hand, I know what we need to do to make our children not speak their minds, not behave in a disgraceful manner, not be rude to us, the parents, and not fight us. No words will do the trick, no threats, no punishments, and no shouting. Do you want your child to listen to you? Teach him that he loses when he doesn't listen. That's all. He didn't go to the grocery store to buy eggs when you asked him to, he won't be able to eat the fried egg he loves so much for dinner. Even if he cries, it simply won't help. He didn't pick up the game from the floor when you asked him to, he won't be able to play it with his friends tomorrow, even if he really wants to. Even if he apologizes, it won't happen anymore. He was rude and didn't speak nicely, you can't play with him later, because he made you want to with his behavior. He doesn't like it? What to do? This is the result! I know it's not easy, but if each of you builds your own plan of action, without repeating what you did yesterday and the day before (and didn't succeed), without anger and without arguments, without talking and digging, without accepting forgiveness and apologies, and without remorse, I'm sure you will succeed more than you have succeeded so far. As I said, learn what not to do from the great men of the nation, who are trying to solve the problem in the South. Because what to do, perhaps they will already learn from you. (And forgive me, children, if I compared you, for the sake of the matter, to our evil enemies...).