I will begin with a fundamental question that, for many, turns out the answer is not so trivial.
What about rabbinical arguments and marriage counseling?
There is hardly a divorce case that comes before the court that does not involve the involvement of a marriage counselor. Sometimes it will be a counselor that the couple contacted on their own initiative before either of them contacted the court, sometimes it will be a counselor that the couple was referred to by the court in order to check the feasibility of amicable marriage, and at the end of the day to receive the counselor's opinion, whether for marital harmony or divorce, and also in order to know which of the parties is to blame for the violation of marital harmony.
The foreign policy of a marriage counselor has a significant impact on court rulings
It is important to know that the opinion of the marriage counselor has an impact on the ruling that will ultimately be issued by the court, whether for marital peace or divorce, since if the counselor presents his opinion to the court that it appears that marital peace is not possible and that the couple would do well to separate, then the court may recommend this in the ruling, and indeed quite a few rulings and decisions issued by the courts are based, among other things, on the opinion of the marriage counselor.
Moreover, the counselor's opinion sometimes has a financial impact, since if the court finds that the husband is the one at fault for violating the peace of the home, the court may impose a written obligation on him in a similar manner. If the court finds that the wife is the one at fault for violating the peace of the home, the court may deprive her of her address. Therefore, and without detracting from the benefits of marriage counseling, it is important to know that an innocent request for counseling may one day be used against you.
So who should we seek advice from?
There is no law that restricts a person from engaging in marriage counseling. Therefore, before contacting a counselor, it is important to know about the identity of the counselor, as the purpose of counseling is not just to say "do's" and "don'ts," as this is something that all normative couples are aware of the responsibility placed on their shoulders in marriage. This is not the purpose of counseling.
Unfortunately, as the number of divorces has increased, so have the number of marriage counselors, some of whom flaunt feathers they don't have under various titles such as "marriage therapist," "marriage mediator," or "marriage counselor." Some of them lack the minimum psychological training required to handle such a sensitive matter, and they are often quick on the trigger to direct couples toward divorce.
Marriage counseling is a more sensitive process that requires the ability to create dynamics and positive dialogue between the couple, reflecting on the root causes of the problems and conflicts that exist between the couple, empathy and providing tolerant responses and guidance, and a great degree of objectivity.
The writer of these lines does not intend to cast blame, God forbid, on those marriage counselors who do their job faithfully and sacredly. However, it is important to know that before seeking marriage counseling, it is advisable to receive accurate information about the counselor's identity, professionalism, sensitivity, and worldview.
Was an opinion given against you by a marriage counselor? This is not the end of the story.
It often happens that one of the spouses feels hurt by the diagnosis or conclusion reached by the consultant. It is important to know that this is not the end of the story. If it seems to one of the parties that the consultant was light on the trigger, and that his opinion was given without thorough consideration or with a lack of objectivity, then in this situation, that party will have the right to demand that the court not be satisfied with the written opinion, but rather summon the consultant for questioning in court so that he can explain how and why he reached the conclusion he reached, and to the extent that there is concern that his opinion was given with a lack of objectivity, it can be dismissed and removed from the court file.
This article is not intended to be a substitute for legal advice.
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