Anyone walking through the streets of Bnei Brak on IDF Memorial Day will not feel that it is a special day.
In schools and yeshivahs, people are learning, and everything seems normal. Even with the vast majority of the Haredi public standing still with sirens, out of respect for the fallen - it is clear that a national day in memory of the fallen, state ceremonies and sirens are not the Haredi way to mark mourning or remembrance.
At the same time, when you walk around Tel Aviv on Tisha B'Av, which marks national disasters from the sin of the calf and the spies and of course the destruction of the Temples, you will not feel an atmosphere of mourning, and it will be difficult to feel the significance of the day.
Does this reflect a deeper reality of gaps and alienation, or perhaps we should come to terms with the cultural differences between different parts of the nation?
A week ago, I participated in an evening of discussion between secular and ultra-Orthodox activists, where the topic was Holocaust Remembrance Day and Heroism.
Like many such meetings, the initial discussion focused on the foci of tension and conflict. Who stands (or does not stand) on the tsar? What does the tsar represent in Jewish tradition (if at all)? Why don't Haredim commemorate the Holocaust? How has secularism replaced true Jewish heroism with the heroism of the Gentiles?
During the meeting, each side learned something about the experience of the Holocaust or the destruction of the other. They mentioned the story of the Ponovizh Yeshiva, when in the Haredi consciousness this institution constitutes a kind of living and active monument that perpetuates the memory of those killed in the Holocaust and the destruction of the Torah world that preceded the Holocaust. They also talked about the difference between Holocaust Day and the general Kaddish Day, and even came up with various ideas on how to bring the two experiences closer together - even moving Holocaust Day to Tisha B'Av.
On the other hand, secularists had an opportunity to share the difficult feeling that an entire public does not share the national ethos, and what can be done to make room for the Haredi ethos.
The ceremony in Beit Shemesh
The purpose of the evening was not to settle disputes and certainly not to try to change identity or values, but it can certainly be stated that people came away with new insights, not only regarding the identity and values of the other, but also with an opportunity to clarify and strengthen their own identity.
In the city where I live, Beit Shemesh, Memorial Day came as a remedy for last week's Holocaust Remembrance Day.
A week ago, a damaging incident occurred when one of the local community centers had classes that were held in violation of instructions, and more seriously, in complete contrast to the atmosphere of the day.
A storm arose and harsh words were certainly exchanged – and that's a shame.
Several residents decided that, despite the harsh words, the event could perhaps be redirected to another, better, more unifying place. As an unofficial local initiative, a call was issued for a ceremony aimed at the ultra-Orthodox community. The organizers did not know how many, if any, would attend. After all, in Beit Shemesh, and especially in parts of Ramat Beit Shemesh, there is a lot of tension and extremists abound.
To everyone's delight, approximately 150 Haredim came and participated in a dignified and moving ceremony, with the content and style fitting the Haredi spirit. In addition, there were events in many corners of the city, both less formal and more formal.
The city's ultra-Orthodox leadership (Mayor Abutbul and his deputy Greenberg) also attended the events, laid wreaths, sang the anthem "Hatikva" and expressed complete solidarity with the bereaved families in particular and the residents in general.
True, the mayor of Beit Shemesh must be present and speak at the main ceremony, like his colleagues in Bnei Brak and Elad, and yet he deserves praise for the effort and sensitivity to reach as many places as possible in different neighborhoods in the city.
This is important, very important, to try to create unity where there is division.
Donation Survey
And back to the question we started with.
It is difficult and even wrong to impose the ethos of a part of society (even when the people are the majority and especially when the people are the majority) on a minority. Instead of creating cooperation, the opposite will happen. This does not mean that the Haredi public should give up its way of commemorating national events, such as the Holocaust and the self-sacrifice of tens of thousands of our soldiers.
A recent survey measured the level of contribution of various groups in Israeli society - soldiers, yeshiva students, kibbutz members, secular people, etc.
Not surprisingly, soldiers received the highest score among the general population (3.84 out of 4). The Haredim gave the highest score to yeshiva students (3.90), in second place they gave a score of 3.85 to "the Haredim," and in very close third place came the soldiers with a score of 3.81.
This doesn't surprise me at all, even if it doesn't fit in with the more public expression on IDF Martyrs' Memorial Day.
Is there a way for Israeli society to bring Memorial Day and Tisha B'Av closer together? Will we reach a situation where Memorial Day will be felt on Rabbi Akiva Street in Bnei Brak and Tisha B'Av on Rabin Square in Tel Aviv?
The answer is that there are buds in both directions.
For years, there has been a "No Torah Study Tonight" activity in Rabin Square and many other locations across the country.
The one who founded the tradition was Maj. Gen. (res.) Uzi Dayan, and today it has become an event that connects thousands to the commemoration of Tisha B'Av, even if in a different way than you will see in the synagogue. On the other hand, there is a beginning of a way for the Haredi public to approach Memorial Day, with unofficial ceremonies and of course, engagement with the issue in the non-partisan Haredi media.
I myself participated last year in a memorial ceremony in Har Nof, following their entry into the cycle of bloodshed after the attack on the synagogue, and this year a ceremony in memory of ultra-Orthodox soldiers who fell in battle.
What's the secret?
I believe that giving space and legitimacy to people who seek to build a tradition of remembrance that aligns with the values of their community may help.
All of our respect for one another will lead us a step forward, as during these days of counting the Omer we will be able to correct, even slightly, the disaster that befell Rabbi Akiva's disciples and which led to the regulation of mourning customs during this period.
•Daniel Goldman is the chairman of Gesher, and a businessman living in Beit Shemesh.
Join the Haredim 10 Facebook page >>
Join the X page of Haredim 10 >>
Want more news, videos and stories? Join the Haredim 10 WhatsApp channel >>
