Between attacks, our lives are spiced up with spicy stories.
I heard this on the news one day, about a kindergarten teacher from central Israel who severely abused one of the children in the kindergarten. She took him out into the yard, closed the door, and the child whined and cried, when he was left there alone.
At first, my pity for the unfortunate child grew, and my anger grew at the abusive kindergarten teacher.
On second thought, I started asking myself questions:
- How long was the child outside alone?
- Why was the child taken out?
- What did the kindergarten teacher mean by this punishment?
- Does every cry of a child indicate the wickedness of an adult? Does every punishment that is harsh on a child mean that the adult is abusive?
- Did this story even happen in reality?
- How is this kindergarten teacher normally and on a daily basis? How does she treat the children? What is her attitude towards this child?
Following the story, which was heard with great fanfare, the responses in favor of the kindergarten teacher were presented in a quiet, almost inaudible voice.
Suddenly I heard that the child had only been outside for a minute or two; I heard that this kindergarten teacher had never used this method before; I heard that the kindergarten teacher was considered to be particularly beloved and extremely compassionate.
And also: it is not at all certain that the story was as presented.
After these things, I began to understand how things unfold. How can you accuse someone of sin who has not sinned, and sometimes in a matter that is as far from you as the east is from the west?.
How we slander a person and shed their blood, and how evil and heartless and emotionless we are, under the guise of correcting the morals of others.
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But if you thought for a moment that I wanted to justify the kindergarten teacher in this column - you are wrong. I do not know this kindergarten teacher at all. I cannot justify a story whose details I do not know. But I cannot blame her either, due to this missing information.
For many years, I have been teaching parents and educators how to bring a child to appropriate behavior without the need for punishments, beatings, and humiliation.
For years, I have been explaining in my lectures how to educate a child without raising your voice at him, without intimidation, and without commands or teasing.
Still, consider what was in this news:
- A child cries outside the door (it turned out to be for a minute or two).
- A kindergarten teacher who thought and believed that this was the right punishment (she didn't get angry, she didn't get angry, she calculated every step, and ended the matter immediately).
- A kindergarten teacher who all the parents in the kindergarten approached after the announcement, to hug and encourage.
- A kindergarten teacher that all the kindergarten parents know how wonderful she is.
- A kindergarten teacher who even the child's parents could tell was excellent and beloved.
I didn't come to justify any insulting or humiliating punishment, but let's put things in perspective:
Is this thing the kindergarten teacher did - abuse? Does this thing justify hanging a person from a tree, pointing at him in the city square and shouting: 'This is the punishment of an abuser?''
Does a punishment given to a child due to a mistake in thought (not out of malice or excessive anger) and resulting in crying justify causing a person to lose their source of income? (Because who would send them to such a kindergarten after such accusations).
It's time for us to realize that there are things that can be solved in an individual, family, or community setting.
We will stop abusing people, judging them harshly, and punishing them with bad publicity, because of a one-time act that is on the borderline of what is permissible, when a comment from a supervisor or even a response from one of the parents might have done the job.
It's time for us to understand that even if we, the various parenting consultants, think that it's possible to solve problems without punishment - still among a group of children, in a kindergarten or classroom - this is difficult to do. Therefore, despite progress and enlightenment, we still see punishments in kindergartens, and primitive means will still be used there, according to those who understand education, but this does not make the user an "abuser.".
And in general, and this is what is especially important for me to emphasize: Who determined that such abuse of a kindergarten teacher - of a normative person, by the media, is worth less than the kindergarten teacher's abuse of kindergarten children?
Maybe we will be less self-righteous and understand that it is not always the abuse that makes the news, but rather the abusers themselves who make the news?
So many people lose a source of income or are publicly humiliated because of a small mistake they made, because of an unwise judgment they exercised, because someone judged them long before talking to them, and before they subsequently discovered that the act was different.
The time has come for us, the bearers of the pen, to drive at the permitted speed in the permitted lane, and not to rush to decide fates with the stroke of a pen, and not to make miserable those whose guilt has not yet been proven.
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