And once again the multitudes of the House of Israel gather to recite the Selichot. Once again we will stand with bowed heads and trembling hearts before the Lord of the worlds and declare: "Not by grace nor by works have we come before You, as poor and needy we have knocked on Your doors.".
Each of us will say to God, "I am before You as a vessel filled with shame and reproach.".
But why do we all put such statements in our mouths? Why not offer us other kinds of declarations as well? For example: "I have come today to present to you, Lord of the worlds, a perfect year, in which I lived according to your will. I thought only pure thoughts, I uttered only honest and decent things, I kept all your commandments, being careful about every thorn and mark.".
You are smiling.
It is clear that no one can stand before the Creator of the world and make such statements. Every person knows very well how far he is from fully fulfilling the Creator's will. We all fail and stumble, sin and repent, regret hasty words, struggle with impure thoughts.
The righteous cry.
Moreover, the more a person strives to live according to God's will, the more he feels how far he is from perfection. That is why the righteous and true worshippers of God engage more intensely in repentance and supplication during these days, because the more they elevate and purify themselves, the more they gain an understanding of what true perfection is.
Imagine Rabbi Levi-Yitzhak of Berdichev, whom a wandering cobbler asks if he has anything to repair. The righteous man hears in his words a piercing moral rebuke: "Don't you have anything to repair?!", and he bursts into tears from the depths of his heart.
Or the "Cafetz Chaim," who, when the blessings for the month of Elul are announced on Shabbat for Rosh Hashanah, begins to tremble all over and sob like a little child.
This tension stems from the inherent contrast between the body and the soul, between the material world and the divine side hidden within it. The body and matter pull us toward the fleeting and momentary, while the soul strives for the divine and eternal.
The instinct tries to drag us towards momentary satisfaction, ego-cultivation, and the humiliation of others. The divine part within us aspires to truth, to emptiness within infinity, to the unity created by all details.
This struggle accompanies us throughout our lives. It has ups and downs, successes and failures. The more a person is aware of the divine part of him, the more he feels the path ahead of him. He does not delude himself that he has already reached the destination.
To fix and charge
That is why every year we stand before the Creator anew with strength and trembling. Perhaps we have improved in the past year. Perhaps we have achieved a few more points in the constant struggle with desire. But precisely because of this, we know better where we should strive.
Asking for forgiveness and bowing our heads does not mean that we have failed. We do not come to forgiveness with a feeling of despondency and sadness.
On the contrary, we stand before the Creator as soldiers conducting a battle reconnaissance in preparation for the next mission.
We fix what needs to be done, learn lessons, but immediately attack the new target with courage.
A new year is ahead of us, and may God give us strength to make it better.
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