There is a factual basis for the feelings: In the last decade, there has been an increase in the number of divorces. If in the past, divorces were a rare occurrence, as if they were 'one of a kind,' unfortunately, in the last decade, this has become more common. This is reflected in clear numbers recorded annually by the Central Bureau of Statistics, and in more precise data available from the court administration. This is also reflected in the hearings held in the courts. If in the past, the courts tried and even devoted a lot of time to dissuade the spouses from their desire to divorce, now they have come to the conclusion that this is not always possible.
Surprisingly, as of the time of writing, no in-depth empirical studies have been conducted as to the cause of the extent of the phenomenon. I said 'surprising' because, let's think about it, if any systemic problem - health or economic - were widespread among 26 percent of the population, the best researchers and experts would immediately be mobilized. In the divorce phenomenon that exists in these percentages, on the other hand, this seems to pass in silence.
As with any social problem, the claim will likely arise that the basis of the phenomenon stems from population growth. However, a closer look at historical and current data reveals a different picture: the unequivocal increase in the divorce rate is occurring without any adjustment to population growth.
Reviews dealing with the causes of divorce offer a variety of explanations - personal and social - but it seems that the answer, at least in part, can be found in the archives of the courts. In the following paragraph I will attempt to address some of the reasons, emphasizing that the aim of these brief lines is not to clarify all the diverse reasons for the phenomenon, as this would require in-depth research and would be too short. I will, however, seek, with the help of a number of social and demographic data, to rule out several hypotheses and propose others in their place.
So what are the causes of this phenomenon?
Some may suggest that "today's couples are spoiled," or other statements along those lines. But even that still fails to explain the phenomenon. For the prevailing assumption is that no change has occurred in the human psyche, certainly not a fundamental change that could cause such a sharp jump in the number of divorces.
Is the economic situation causing this? Another argument that is often heard is that the difficult economic situation is causing the collapse of the home and the marriage. But it seems that this is not the real reason either, since economic difficulties have always existed. Even two decades ago, there were economic difficulties, and the number of divorces was particularly low. This explanation also does not explain the Haredi population, which has never been characterized by a high standard of living. Finally, it is worth remembering that the couples who appear at the gates of the court to get divorced do not necessarily come from the bottom decile. Rich people also get divorced, so it can be determined with a high degree of probability that the increase in the percentage of divorces is not the result of one economic situation or another.
Interference in marital life as a decisive factor: One of the decisive factors recorded in the courts is the interference of the extended family in marital life. This interference is considered a 'contributory fault' in the breakdown of the family unit to the point of divorce.
The endless jokes about the 'mother-in-law' did not appear in a vacuum. "I would do it like this," says the mother-in-law. "My mother would do it like this," says the husband, and "My father said so," says the wife. This is just the beginning of the narrative that ultimately leads to divorce. Such statements sometimes end with 'good advice,' but sometimes they create disputes, fights, and arguments, and are the beginning of a fireball that ends up making the couple part of the divorce statistics.
Grooms and brides training as preventive treatment: Individual guidance and guidance for the couple, and to the extent necessary, even accompaniment at the beginning of the marriage while providing a solution to conflicts before they are born, may, as a form of preventive medicine, minimize the phenomenon.
However, it should be emphasized that the professional identity of the guide is of great importance. The guidance currently available to brides and grooms before marriage does not provide an individual solution for the couple. The lack of such guidance places the institution of marriage at high risk. The couple is not always educated to understand the need for it, as they are convinced from a place of naive optimism that everything "will be fine." Only after the marriage has entered a collision course do they seek help, but by then it is too late.
Why do people get divorced? Why do people get married?!
The factors described so far are certainly true and constitute some of the components that influence divorce, but it seems that the reason is deeper and more systemic and lies in the existing perspective on the institution of marriage.
The fact that most problems, or at least their roots, begin in the first year of marriage indicates that there is a serious lack of in-depth study. About the purpose of marriage.
When a young man or woman marries only because they have "reached the age" as a "learned commandment of men," then any conflict that naturally arises calls into question the marital life. On the other hand, when the couple marries out of a clear self-awareness regarding the importance and purpose of marital life in general and with their spouse in particular, it may serve as an "antidote" and even minimize gaps.
This explanation is supported by statistics appearing in the court administration. According to the data, it is clearly noticeable that in places where the couple has an ideal and a goal, the divorce rates are low or even almost zero. In other places where marriage is a kind of default, the divorce rate is also different. The conclusion is: goal-oriented marriages are undoubtedly part of the secret to success.
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