I don't know how many of you have heard of the 'pants protest' - but those who haven't heard should listen: This is the protest of children who attend public schools, or rather the protest of girls!
These girls woke up one day and asked themselves: What's going on here? Where is the gender equality in question? Why are boys in our school allowed to wear shorts, even very short ones, and we, the girls, are told what length of pants is allowed? A school is supposed to have a uniform dress code.
They stood up and took action. Protest.
And they won. They managed to get those in charge of gender equality at the Ministry of Education to understand that there was no reason for girls to be discriminated against.
The truth is, I don't understand the Ministry of Education. Why would the girls really be discriminated against?
How is it that such an important ministry, headed by people with degrees and understanding, who man a special branch of gender equality, doesn't understand for itself how important equality is, how important it is that if boys can do this - then so can girls.
They understand that a special branch is needed for this and they don't understand for themselves how important equality itself is? Until girls come along and teach them how to reduce gender gaps?
And why does all this interest us?
As part of the counseling hours I give to upset parents, one father asked me: How much should I worry about giving my children the same thing?
He expanded and clarified: Ever since the children were little, I have been very careful that what I give to one – I also give to the other. Every gift I bought for one, I also bought for the other. We made sure to go out with the children shopping for clothes, when everyone needed new clothes, when I gave out candy I always gave it equally and so on. Now, when my children are older, I feel confused.
One child now really wants us to buy him rabbits – the other one is not interested in animals at all, but he claims that if we buy the rabbits for one, then he wants us to buy him a new schoolbag instead. His previous schoolbag is excellent and there is no reason to buy one, but he claims that if we buy one for his brother, there is no reason not to buy one for him.
He deserves something too, doesn't he? Equality or inequality?
When do we falter in our answers? When we are not sure about them.
That father realizes, a little too late, that children shouldn't be equal. We shouldn't treat them the same, and we certainly shouldn't give to one every time the other gets.
Every child is an individual and a creature with his own desires and needs. He should receive his needs when the time comes. One child should not be given something because his friend received it, just as one should not give sweet medicine to a healthy sibling when the sick sibling receives it. And we parents have no reason to feel that we are doing any harm to any of them.
Note that it is precisely when you try to give your children the same thing that you encounter internal conflicts. What should you do if this child went with you to the city on a hot day and won ice cream? And what will happen when he tells his brother about it?
You will never be able to balance what you give your children, just as you cannot demand that two children in a family be the same, behave the same way, or get the same grades.
You cannot give them the same thing and demand the same thing from them, and you shouldn't do that at all.
There is no equality between a child and his siblings, certainly there is no equality between the sexes, and there cannot be such equality.
Anyone who thinks they can bring about the desired equality is making a bitter mistake. Boys are boys and girls were created as girls.
It is a fact that even in a society that advocates human dignity, freedom, and equality between the sexes, we constantly encounter bitter questions such as: How will female soldiers be able to function like male soldiers in this or that army? Or how will a father, who is on maternity leave, be able to feed his baby in the same way that his wife would feed him?
The pants protest comes to explain to us parents: If you are not strong in your stance and confident in your words - your child will raise a voice of protest. And the more you try to come towards the children: "Come on, honey, I'll give you what I gave him too, if you want it so much" - because then the child will understand that his protest was accepted and that it is worth it for him to protest every time he doesn't like something. That someone didn't give it to him either.
Equality towards children in the family, as well as in school, must mean equality in treatment.
A reference that says: We, the adults, the parents or teachers, will decide for you, give you or do for you what is best for you, and it may not be the same thing that we would say, give or do to your friend. Educate the boy according to his own path.
A home where parents let their children understand that there is no equality between children is a home that raises children who are less jealous and less likely to look at each other's plate. They know that their parents love everyone and therefore feel safe enough to give to this one and that one another, without daily scrutiny.
A school where teachers let children understand that there is no equality between children will be a school that will succeed in instilling the values that are important to it in the most appropriate way.
A school that declares its intention to be egalitarian and itself does not know what it means (because it is impossible to be that way), that twists and turns in its answers and accepts the protests of its students - will not succeed in instilling its values (if it has any).
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