Shlomo Meir, who treated the murdered, in a chilling column: 'I want to scream, my heart is boiling''

February 26, 2023   

Hawara shooting. Serious injury. Well, I hope this is another incident that is suspected to be extremely serious until it turns out otherwise. Leaving Yitzhar, on the way there are already reports of two unconscious people. Arrives at the scene a little before the ambulances. Vehicle punctured, chairs full of blood, the two victims are already lying outside. They drive to the scene and perform CPR, and I join them. Gunshot wounds, upper body, and lots and lots of blood. A paramedic arrives, two chest drains and they are rushed to the hospital. We are on the scene, we fully understand what condition they were in, there are no illusions. We call the Tzachi teams in the settlements to find out if they are settlers, from which settlement, and what their condition is. From checking the licenses and phones left in the car, we understand who they are and from which settlement. Of course, we don't pass this on. I returned to Yitzhar. Good friends who saw me upset and with blood on their hands, tell me that maybe it's worth talking to someone, some professional, after all, we don't see such scenes every day... It's worth treating trauma, etc. I don't want to!!! In any other event - an accident, a fall, no matter what - I would like to ease the pain of my broken soul. I would like to 'not get involved' with the case. But here - no!! I don't want to get the scenes out of my head. I don't want anyone to pour cold water on my boiling heart. I don't want to. I want to remember the hollow, black, lifeless eyes that are turned to the sky of heaven... I want to smell The sickening smell of blood that won't come off my hands, even after soap and water... I want to feel the chill, which I felt when I noticed that I was stepping on a puddle of boiling blood... I want my eyes to water endlessly, when I see on one of the cell phones' screens 'A mother is calling', and a moment later, when there is no answer, she tries the other brother's cell phone... and my heart is boiling, bubbling. I don't want them to cool me down. Don't worry, if I see that I'm losing my mind, I'm not ashamed. I'll seek help. But now - not. Now I want to scream. I want to feel the blood pounding in my heart. I want to tremble with rage and helplessness. I want to be dizzy with heartache and madness. Don't cool me down. Not now. I don't want to forget these sights, these silent voices, these smells, I want them to be in my eyes and in my heart forever. Until the day of great revenge in our days and in our eyes. And in our hands. In these hands, stained with the blood of brothers Beloved, when we tried to revive the dead... With these hands I want to avenge the blood shed. With these eyes, veiled with tears, I want to see the downfall of the wicked and damned. In this heart, broken into fragments, I want to feel true joy, when a Redeemer comes to Zion.